The Cable's Out/Thank You Frenemies

Okay, Okay... I realize that I made the promise to myself to stop complaining about... well about everything but I must say that is much easier said than done. This afternoon I decide I want to watch a little TV while I work on the changes to Suite 110. It is important to get this done since the deadline for it is today... See the urgency. Anyway... I go to turn on the upstairs television and the darn thing doesn't even come on... I of course thing it must be user error so I take a step back and re-approach... This time I see that the television is in fact on but there is no picture. I turn the channel and see that the television is working there is just no cable... BOO!
I figure, there is always something wrong or going on with the upstairs television so I will go downstairs and check that television out and low and behold that one isn't working either... Another BOO! Well the next step is an easy one... I contact Isaac and ask him about it... He says he will figure it out when he gets home tonight... Yet another BOO! he isn't coming directly home and it is only a little before 2pm... That means ALL DAY without television.
There was once a time when I didn't even watch television and now the idea of not having it all day is absolutely unnerving for me and I realize that it isn't the actual television it is the illusion on company. Having the the television on while I work makes it not feel so lonely. How sad is that... I didn't even realize that I was lonely until my dear friend television was gone. This particular inconvience actually has a temporary fix... Luckily for me I actualy like to read so I will just go to the bookstore and get some reading done there and most likely be more productive because no matter how good the company (my TV) is at home I tend to be more effective with less distractions.


The purpose of this blog is to give myself a place to grumble and complain... I don't want to bitch and vent to my friends because my real friends all have their own obstacles to overcome and probably don't need to hear mine besides I get sick of myself and with there being no resolution in sight for the major issues in my life right now it can feel like a waste of time so I figure this way the anonymous masses that don't know me and don't read my blog... Well... Why would they care... See problem solved... Cause I am all about problem solving today.

That leads me to a few realizations I have been struggling with lately... The not so real friends... You know those people you cal friends but they don't really act like friends and in comparison to your real friends you know they never will.
I have never had to deal with the fake friend before because they were never really able to get that close to me but with the vacuous hole that is the place in my life once filled by dearly departed best friend Tiana and deepening created by my break up with my last boyfriend well I am a little exposed.
I see that I have at least 3 fake friends in my immediate life and for some unknown reason I have been unable or unwilling to let them go. I think I may be getting soft as I get older because there was a time where I would never stand for this, for these people using me as fuel for their ugliness.
Maybe I am on my pity pot today but I really don't understand why it is so easy for people to be disrespectful to me. The worse thing is that I am not even sure they realize that they are being disrespectful. Although I am sure that if they were behaving similarly to someone else they would know that it is wrong.
I am really trying to make a go of this whole entertainment industry thing and it is a very difficult thing to do. I want to act but that is not always easy when you are hovering around 5 feet tall and dark skin. People often don't know what to do with me. So I figured I would try to make my own opportunities while creating a few for other people by writing, directing and producing smaller projects and building reputation while trying to market and monetize they projects I have already done. These are very lofty goals and there are so many people out there eager to tell me how I can't do something or that it isn't going to work. My whole life has been that but to have this same negativity coming from people that are supposed to care about me in exhausting especially from those people that are in this same struggle with me trying to make it in this grueling industry. If you have no respect for what I do for what I create then don't get involved with me in regards to these areas... But to try to use me for the possibility that I may be successful while undermining me and talking madness behind my back is unexceptionable and I am officially over it!
I guess it is time to stop being so nice and understanding... People are taking that kindness for weakness... Overall I try to treat people the way I want to be treated but there are these few people in my life and some of them are really close to me that don't seem to remember the golden rule... I really hate when that happens cause then I have to be REALLY blunt with people resulting often times in hurt feelings and the occasional tear. I tell people all the time that they don't want to know me like that but I guess they didn't believe me... So we'll see what happens. So if we have worked together in the past and realize that I haven't contacted you in a while to work on something then you are probably one of these people.

Don't get me wrong... I have made some amazing friends on this adventure and had wonderful experiences. There are people I have met that I plan to know for the rest of my life and I hope my new friends that have proven to be real friends know how much I cherish and respect them. I am truly blessed to know you... Hell I am blessed to know that fake friends too... They are motivation to keep PUSHing... Like KAT Williams said "we need haters, they serve a very important function..." Haters let you know that you are doing something right... So, thank you to all my haters and a very special thank you to all of my frenemies...